, , , , ,

**** This may not make sense to you. Treat it as abstract or rubbish it as garble, be my guest. Show me love, hate or just say what you like in the comments, I really look forward to those****

I recall the many blank pages I have tried to make my mark on this year. There have just been too many. Why is it so difficult for me to pen down anything? After all, a writer’s got to write! Come on scriberita! Well I can and have been writing, but only if it has reached that point where I have no choice but I have to (for work). So here this is me, trying to break the trend of blank pages.

I would like to thank Rachel, an amazing person who I am privileged to call friend. She lovingly prodded me on to this point where I have finally been able to type this. So Rach, thank God for you. This one is dedicated to Jesus, Rach and blank pages. Thanks for teaching me grace, giving me time and letting me be. I have come to realize I am not the only one (among writers) that faces this problem of blank pages. Many high and low for remedies, inspiration, reasons, etc. For me, however, these blank pages have taught me something.

The blank pages remind me that I am more than just a writer,

The blank pages mean a time of rest to recover, to think, to wait,

The blank pages indicate surrender, that I am holding back,

The blank pages have taught me silence is good, to heal my heart,

The blank pages indicate lost time, opportunity and teach me to not let others pass me by

The blank pages, I want to give them to God, so He can scribble on them, doodles maybe, or paint pretty pictures and write love songs to me, πŸ™‚

The blank pages, some I can recover and some I have even forgotten about, beckon me to write again,

The blank pages piled, mean time’s up, go write your heart out,

The blank pages gave opportunity to my close few to prove they love me even though I have not accomplished much in these many weeks.

However, enough blank pages! Life is too short, may you and I and all around not have anymore blank pages, or wasted time and rise up to fill life; to live it bold and strong. May nothing cause you to hold back and let your pages be blank (metaphorically and literally). Thank you all who have been gracious to me in this time of blank pages. Now, is the time to rise above, to fill, to catch up, to share. No more being afraid to let the world know about what I feel, to express in words that will be recorded in black and white. I’m back. Different, but still what I was made to be, me, not just a writer, a human who needed some time to grieve. Who lost and loved, and loved and lost and continually finds all I need to find in Jesus. Here I stand stripped of everything I thought I was, to know who I really am. Now when I write, I write stronger. Now when I feel, I shall feel deeply. Now when I dance, I dance bigger. Now when I sing, I sing heartier. Why? Because, I am maturing. What hasn’t killed me, has made me stronger. I took time to stop and stare, to smell the roses. To feel the pain and deal with it; I didn’t numb it down. People feel the need to numb it down, as people around them do not let them feel. They have had to face the problem of people walking away because they couldn’t take the time of sorrow in their lives. People say don’t cry, let it go, etc that only means suppress it you cry baby. If you have friends that let you cry for as long as you want, who let you express without accusing you of being negative, well you have found goldmine/s. I have some really awesome friends who get it. Thank the Lord for them. I learnt that feelings make us human, so feel!

The joy of the Lord is your strength indeed, but it has nothing to do with a smiling face and a laughing mouth. Joy can be evident in the strength you possess in the midst of a storm. Joy is trusting and knowing that no matter what, I will make it through Jesus. Jesus, my Lord, can make me walk on water above the raging waves or calm the storm with just one word, or even work out a new awesome way.

He did something new in me, He is doing something new in me. Here I am, the blank pages taught me joy.