A declaration

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This just a short post. This is my declaration to everyone and everything around me. So many storms have come and gone in my life, here I stand because Christ got my life and my hand. Even though the ground be shaken and things unexpectedly hit me, I still stand and bless the name of Jesus Christ, my Saviour. He knows everything better and no matter how much I want to meddle around with things and make them work my way.. It is only His way that I want. He gives and He takes away. I declare that I am blessed, pressed but not crushed, emotional but not broken… I still have faith even though it looks like it is all over, it ain’t over until God says it is over. I declare my Jesus is mighty to save, heal and restore, and I shall see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Watch out for soon I shall have stories of glories to be written and shared here! I believe. I am a believer.

Dear elect

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Dear elect,

Stop running after the small things,
You were called to be in the court of the King.
You think you know who you really are,
But from knowing the truth you are so far.

Jesus says, “My beloved, you are mine,
Take My hand and everything will be fine.
I am the One who sets you free,
Yet you still hang on to the tree,
On which I already died on for you,
Let go, come to Me, I’m faithful and true.”

Probably

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I cannot understand why,
Probably the truth shall make one die,
Probably the answer is too sharp to hold,
Probably it will kill the feeling so bold,
Probably I will regret asking the question unspoken,
But as I trust, Lord, leave me with peace as a token.

Daddy knows best

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Today, I was reading up a blog that spoke about how kids fear getting injections. It struck a very old chord with me and got me thinking about my experience with needles. My father was a doctor and a very good one; all his patients would vouch for that.

As a kid I was his pet, the apple of his eye, to the point of spoiling. He always bought me fabulous toys that other kids my age would drool over. The only thing wanted to run ten miles away from him when I was sick. I suffered from bronchial asthma, chronic allergies and a very weak immune system from birth until my teens. Many a times, my father saved my life with his vast knowledge of emergency medicine. However, emergencies came with needles 😦

It took a lot for me to allow anyone with an injection to come even a way bit close to me, and more often than not, I needed an intravenous drip; this was as scary as a nuclear bomb to me. I remember this one instance, when daddy would hold me in his arms and reason with me. Knowing that I had this need to prove myself strong, he would say, “You are a strong girl. You can take this. You think daddy would harm you? Trust me, just one mosquito-bite like poke and you will be fine. Now where’s your hand.” There reluctantly, yet with full trust, I let the nurses administer the injection to me. All this while dad said relax your muscles, it will hurt less. I listened to him. What do you know, it did hurt less!
Since then, I was not scared. Never have been scared of injections after that. Some nurses have even marveled at my calmness and ‘just-get-it-over-with’ attitude. Not sure if its true, but as a kid, the nurses would say I was their best patient and a very good girl 😛 I would love to believe that’s true!
What is the point of this memory you ask?

All this is very applicable to Our Heavenly Father. Who knows what’s best for us. Some times what is truly best for us may seem very wrong like an injection, but it may be something that we urgently need.

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover, whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified.

– Romans 8: 28-30

Trust is an act of love. I have learnt this one thing over the years – Love is an action. Trusting someone is the evidence that you love a person. People treat love as a noun; they personify it. However, love is a verb that two people act upon. There are many kinds of love; a really good friend of mine got me to look up four kinds: Agape, Phileo, Storge and Eros. These are based on one element – TRUST.

Recently, I faced one of the biggest disappointments in life. I had prayed for this certain situation to turn out a particular way for 10 years. The longest I have prayed for anything. I fasted, I prayed, I cried. Of all things in my life, I really wanted this to work out in a particular way. However, God worked it out a completely different way. Not a very nice way, mind you. I was broken, afraid, shattered. I have no words to describe the pain I was in. Thankfully, my comforter, guide, counsellor and friend, the Holy Spirit was working on me. Edged me on to trust the Father in Heaven and glorify Jesus, even in the storm. I sang songs to myself, read scripture and focused on all that He had done for me. I realized and I know, God is good. Now, I understand the context of:

Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

– Romans 8:37-39

Faith is not just believing that your prayer is answered, it is trusting God when your prayers are not answered your way. It is trusting God.

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

-Hebrews 12:1-2

FURTHER PLEASE READ:

Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. 2 For by it the elders obtained a good testimony.

3 By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible.

Faith at the Dawn of History
4 By faith Abel offered to God a more excellent sacrifice than Cain, through which he obtained witness that he was righteous, God testifying of his gifts; and through it he being dead still speaks.

5 By faith Enoch was taken away so that he did not see death, “and was not found, because God had taken him”; [a] for before he was taken he had this testimony, that he pleased God. 6 But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

7 By faith Noah, being divinely warned of things not yet seen, moved with godly fear, prepared an ark for the saving of his household, by which he condemned the world and became heir of the righteousness which is according to faith.

Faithful Abraham
8 By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to the place which he would receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going. 9 By faith he dwelt in the land of promise as in a foreign country, dwelling in tents with Isaac and Jacob, the heirs with him of the same promise; 10 for he waited for the city which has foundations, whose builder and maker is God.

11 By faith Sarah herself also received strength to conceive seed, and she bore a child[b] when she was past the age, because she judged Him faithful who had promised. 12 Therefore from one man, and him as good as dead, were born as many as the stars of the sky in multitude—innumerable as the sand which is by the seashore.

The Heavenly Hope
13 These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off were assured of them,[c] embraced them and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth. 14 For those who say such things declare plainly that they seek a homeland. 15 And truly if they had called to mind that country from which they had come out, they would have had opportunity to return. 16 But now they desire a better, that is, a heavenly country. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them.

The Faith of the Patriarchs
17 By faith Abraham, when he was tested, offered up Isaac, and he who had received the promises offered up his only begotten son, 18 of whom it was said, “In Isaac your seed shall be called,”[d] 19 concluding that God was able to raise him up, even from the dead, from which he also received him in a figurative sense.

20 By faith Isaac blessed Jacob and Esau concerning things to come.

21 By faith Jacob, when he was dying, blessed each of the sons of Joseph, and worshiped, leaning on the top of his staff.

22 By faith Joseph, when he was dying, made mention of the departure of the children ofIsrael, and gave instructions concerning his bones.

The Faith of Moses
23 By faith Moses, when he was born, was hidden three months by his parents, because they saw he was a beautiful child; and they were not afraid of the king’s command.

24 By faith Moses, when he became of age, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter, 25 choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God than to enjoy the passing pleasures of sin, 26 esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures in[e] Egypt; for he looked to the reward.

27 By faith he forsook Egypt, not fearing the wrath of the king; for he endured as seeing Him who is invisible. 28 By faith he kept the Passover and the sprinkling of blood, lest he who destroyed the firstborn should touch them.

29 By faith they passed through the Red Sea as by dry land, whereas the Egyptians, attempting to do so, were drowned.

30 By faith the walls of Jericho fell down after they were encircled for seven days. 31 By faith the harlot Rahab did not perish with those who did not believe, when she had received the spies with peace.

32 And what more shall I say? For the time would fail me to tell of Gideon and Barak and Samson and Jephthah, also of David and Samuel and the prophets: 33 who through faith subdued kingdoms, worked righteousness, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, 34 quenched the violence of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, out of weakness were made strong, became valiant in battle, turned to flight the armies of the aliens. 35 Women received their dead raised to life again.

Others were tortured, not accepting deliverance, that they might obtain a better resurrection. 36 Still others had trial of mockings and scourgings, yes, and of chains and imprisonment. 37 They were stoned, they were sawn in two, were tempted,[f] were slain with the sword. They wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins, being destitute, afflicted, tormented— 38 of whom the world was not worthy. They wandered in deserts and mountains, in dens and caves of the earth.

39 And all these, having obtained a good testimony through faith, did not receive the promise, 40 God having provided something better for us, that they should not be made perfect apart from us.

Faith does not always seem pretty, but it ends always in glory. So, what mountains do you face? What crisis is bogging you down? What sickness is keeping you from doing the things God called you? Rise up oh warrior of the Most High! Pick up your sword, the Word of God; the shield of faith; intercede for your fellow soldiers; put on the armour of God. Come on, come on, RISE UP I say. The battle is waging on. Don’t be idle and be caught by sin like David when he lazed around and was tempted to lay with Bethsheba. Rise up I say! Because, DADDY, Our Abba Father, knows best, so don’t fear, march on!

God is not human

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I have been meditating on practicing trust in all things (trusting God). The biggest question I feel placed before me by the Lord of the heavens and the earth Himself is, “My child, do you love and trust me?”

I am being convicted in many ways about this. I have realised there are two ways at looking at myself (identity) and looking at my situations. One is man’s way or the common sense as it is popularly known. The other is God’s ways. It just bumped me hard how His thoughts, plans and ways are so different from mine.

I would not forgive a person like me had I been the one who had the right to forgive any person, because of the way I think. In fact many of us make that mistake of believing that we have done something unforgivable and that God is angry with us. You know why, that is how a human would react. But God is not human! Stop living like you are doomed to perdition. NOOOOOOOO! Stop! Think! Reflect!

We are no more sons of perdition when we accept Christ. All has been forgiven and forgotten. And after that too, His grace is available. You cannot be righteous on your own; we do fail and will still fail when we try things in our own strength. Remember, when we confess our sins, it is removed as far as the east is from the west. So what do we do? Ask for forgiveness, and repeat the same sin? No, that’s not what I am saying buddy. I am saying you no longer have to live under that sin, but grab your liberty. Be set free from the need to sin anymore. Also, go before God, confess and believe that He was not lying when He said: I will forgive your sins. Let me take you to God’s exact words,

Come now, and let us reason together,” says the Lord. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall be as wool. If you are willing and obedient, you shall eat the good of the land; but if you refuse and rebel, you shall be devoured by the sword,” for the mouth of the Lord has spoken.

Isaiah 1:18-20

God wants to reason with you, wash away your sins and make you new. Do you trust His word? HE WILL DO WHAT HE SAID HE WILL DO…

God is not a man, that He should lie,
Nor a son of man, that He should repent.
Has He said, and will He not do?
Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?

Numbers 23:19

I have a very bad tendency to work out my righteousness and try to do things on my own. The remedy is: no matter how righteous or good you feel about yourself, humble yourself every morning and night and ask Him to show you if you have sinned. You will be surprised at the results! I am putting this into practice. Reminding myself I am a sinner and I am righteousness only because Jesus died for me and took my sin away. The moment I try to do things my way, I am sinning, cause not trusting God or putting your faith in Him is disbelief. DISBELIEF IS SIN! I am not righteous because of the church I go to, the doctrine I follow, the number of prayers I have said for others, the number of people I have shared the gospel with, the number of people I have preached or taught, the amount I have fasted, the number of poor I have given to, the number of people I have clothed or fed, etc (phew I could go on about works!).

I trust Him to forgive me! I trust Him to also heal me. I trust Him to protect me. I trust Him to provide. The list goes on…

His Word, the Bible, reveals His character, He will not contradict His nature ever. Even though humans do, God won’t. I finally got some direction after typing these words down. God is not man!

Seek the Lord while He may be found,
Call upon Him while He is near.
Let the wicked forsake his way,
And the unrighteous man his thoughts;
Let him return to the Lord,
And He will have mercy on him;
And to our God,
For He will abundantly pardon.

For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:6-9

Recently, I was struggling with guilt about something. I felt that God was angry with me. So, I said, “God I want to know what you think about me.” I asked for forgiveness and I just was not sure if He was still angry with me. So, I went to this meeting, believing I would get the answer. He spoke through a dear friend, “I am pleased with you my child.” I was broken at His mercy. That’s when He began to speak to me about forgiveness in Him being very different from the way the world forgives. If today you wallow in any kind of guilt, let me tell you this: be set free in Jesus name, He already paid the price!

Here are a few more verses to meditate upon:

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

“I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake;
And I will not remember your sins. Put Me in remembrance;
Let us contend together; State your case, that you may be acquitted. Isaiah 43:25-26

In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace. Ephesians 1:7

Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, so that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord. Acts 3:19

Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16

There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1

The year of the open doors

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Rev 3:7- 8 …These things says He who is holy, He who is true, He who has the key of David, He who opens and no one shuts, and shuts and no one opens, “I know your works. See, I have set before you an open door, and no one can shut it; for you have a little strength, have kept My word, and have not denied My name.

I am so overwhelmed as I write this today. As the year is about to set, I was led to think about this entire year. Yes, it has been one tough year. Amid all the little bad times and trials I have faced, I have had some of the most victorious, anointed, miraculous and joyful days in this year. All glory to God. I did nothing to deserve all the beautiful things. I just submitted to God and went with whatever He brought my way. At the beginning of the year, the Lord gave the word on Open Doors (Rev 3:8) to the entire congregation of Restoration Outreach (my wonderful church family).

I held on to that promise and God indeed opened some impossible doors. He confirmed this word so many times throughout this year. I am just in awe of Him. Truly His word never returns void. One such door, I never even dreamed of, was prison ministry. I worked as a crime reporter and came across those nabbed for various crimes from robbery to frauds and even murders (one of them was the serial beer killer suspect). I often would ask God to somehow reach out to these people innocent or guilty. Obtaining permission to enter prisons is definitely no easy task. I never even dreamt that one day I would have an opportunity to enter into a prison without being convicted. That was a door that God opened for me.

Thanks to two wonderful people, Frank and Lucy, I have been able to be a part of this. The whole thing has surely changed my perspective on life. If you think your life is bad, try sharing a cell with approx 150 others (each cell should only accommodate at most 50). Try food that you would rather starve than eat. Most of all constant bickering, hate, fights and insults spewed from all sides. Not everyone in there is a criminal; there are a few innocent people awaiting justice for weeks, months and even years. Some can afford good legal counsel, some cannot and are forced to depend on the sluggish justice system. Some children are born in jail, some are forced to live in the cells along with their mothers.

When our group enters there with a message of hope, salvation and love, these women and children flock to us like bees flock to honey (women and men jails are separate, only women from our group visit the women prisoners as the men visit the men prisoners). God has done some amazing things there. He has answered prayers, healed, ministered and changed inmates right in front of our eyes. Any doubt Jesus is alive?

We are mere women, by ourselves we could not have even got a smile out of them. We don’t have the charm of words. We sing sometimes in tune, sometimes struggle to get things together. Thankfully, God has been and still is with us. He promised, “When two or three are gathered in my name, I will be there.” He comes in power and we of all people know that it isn’t because of who we are or what we do, our talents, our charms, etc. It is because of who He is. He opened this door and asked us to walk through. He equips us. God indeed does not choose the equipped, but equips the chosen. Without Him we wouldn’t have even been able to get inside there. Soon I will write testimonies of women in there who were transformed. Just awaiting their release and permission that I may do so.

Another open door that we pray remains open for as long as it can, is this outreach ministry that we carry out Sunday evenings on the street of a popular suburb. A few of us meet at a sea facing platform singing about the Lord and sharing what He has done in our lives. There have been opportunities to pray and counsel many. There have been testimonies of people being touched and the seeds of Jesus being sown. God provided us permission from secular authorities and has favoured us among people. Many times, God kept us reassured about the fact that the doors He opens no man can shut. We saw it particularly when we almost thought we lost right to share the Word of God in public.

Not just ministry, I have seen open and closed doors in my personal life. In relationships, in career and so many other areas of life. I have seen Him open opportunities that were the best for me. He closed down doors that were just not right for me. If seen through natural eyes, those doors should’ve been easy to walk through. Several Christian young men came my way saying that God had confimred I was the one they were to marry. I am so glad I turned to God. He showed me escape and a way out without hurting these people. Now, I look back and see that it was the best thing that thsoe doors closed. I continue to walk through open doors. I thank Him for illuminating this word in my life so strongly and I pray that all who read may experience the opening and closing of doors by God in their life. It is so important. I tell you from experience!  

Truly want to thank Him for guiding my path this year. His Word is a Lamp unto my feet and a Light unto my path (Ps 119:105).

Awaiting His Word for 2012. So far, I believe it to be a year of answered prayer and breakthroughs for those who know Him and trust Him.

Psalm 34:4-5 I sought the LORD, and He heard me,And delivered me from all my fears. They looked to Him and were radiant, And their faces were not ashamed.

This month has been a preview of that. I can only praise His name. Share with me in comments if you like of things Jesus has done or something you believe will happen in 2012. Would love to pray with you. God bless 🙂

Faced death and live to tell the tale

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I write this especially in dedication to the one who valued my life long before I even cared about it. Also, I would like to thank my mother, my pastor, his wife and the entire church that prayed for me and my safety the night of November 26, 2008. Thanks for being a wonderful loving family! Thanks for being with me and helping me grow in the Lord. Love you all so much. Jesus used you all to bring me back on track.

Three years ago, I was comfortable. I had my dream job. I was with a guy I loved so much that I wanted to start a family with him someday. Yes, there were trials, but not so big ones. I went to Church Service on Sundays and even sang in the worship team or what some call choir.

My life looked good on the outside, but my insides were in utter ruin. I grew cold from my once burning faith. I was okay with what was going on. I was what Jesus called a white washed tomb that had dead dry bones on the inside. I had a smile on my face, but I really wished I was dead. So much hurt, unforgiveness, anger and more. I wanted to live life my way on my own terms. Yet the Lord loved me and kept dealing with me. I took Him for granted. Today, I thank Him for turning me around and making me understand how much of a value my life is. I allowed the words of people to rule my life and ruined it completely. Enough for the backgrounder on this prodigal. I am back safe and sound in my Heavenly Father’s arms. Here’s what happened that night:

I was a crime reporter with a well-known English daily. We had night shifts once every three months. That week it was my turn to be the night reporter. So, I planned my story. I was going to do a special on drugs in the city’s night scene. I was dressed in 3/4^th pants and a black shirt to blend in with the young crowd. I was set to sneak in the midst of revellers and come out with an exclusive story. After reaching work at 9 pm, I put down my bag and went to touch up my makeup (trying to blend in with the party crowd). I came back when suddenly, our Sport’s Editor excitedly shouts and says rush to Leopold’s Cafe there has been a shootout. He said, “A friend of mine is just outside Leopold’s and the shooting is still happening. Rush to get us an exclusive before other papers catch it.”

Like a soldier ready to take on an attack, I gathered all together, equipped with a pen, paper, camera, bottle and my signature big bag. Pradeep my colleague (photographer) and a driver were with me. As we were driving to the Cafe, suddenly we heard gun firing at CST or VT station. Immediately, we stopped the car and got down to investigate what was happening. People were rushing by the numbers, trying to get out of the railway station. It was chaos, almost a stampede. There were only male policemen at the spot and no ladies, so I jumped in to help them escort the women. There were a couple of old women and children too. It was an image of fear that I never saw in real life before. Then the police just ran away all of a sudden it was just Pradeep and I helping the last few out. By then, it was too late for me to run because the two gunmen shot at anything that moved or made noise. They shot a man on a bike, who was just passing by right outside the station.  It had not even sunk in that these were terrorists. I wondered why they were killing people. We crawled behind a bus stop with two other men and tried our best to get towards safety. We tried to edge towards policemen about a kilometre or so away.

Then we reached a dead-end, where if we crawled further, we would be exposed and probably be gunned down. So we had to perch behind a thin wall and lay flat one after another in a gutter. All we could do was pray. I sent an SMS to my loved ones – my mom, pastor, some church friends and loved ones. I just said pray for my safety. I did not have the time to say much. Then, with a prayer I put off my cell phone because even vibrations from the cell phone would give the gunmen a hint as to where we were. They had some clue about us being around. They threw a grenade that bounced and blew off on the other side of the road. Only some debris hit us. I lay looking at the stars from 10 pm to about 11.30 afraid. I wondered if that was the day I would meet my end. I asked Jesus to forgive me and wash my sins away. I just wanted to know that I was accepted by Him. I suddenly realised my life was of value. I really wanted to live. I asked God to forgive me for wanting to die. I said God you often said I had a calling on my life and a purpose, I ignored that and I am sorry. Please if I live I want to end up living for you. Help me! My prayer was heard. I was spared. I said God I don’t deserve to be claiming your promises, but I know You are gracious and merciful. I am truly sorry. Please forgive me and save me from the enemy’s clutches. I claimed Psalm 91 over my life.

I improvised Psalm 91 like this:

I dwell in the secret place of the Most High through grace and the Blood of Jesus. I abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
I say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress;
My God, in Him I will trust.”
Surely Lord You will deliver me from the snare of the fowler
And from the perilous pestilence…
^… I shall not be afraid of the terror by night,
Nor of the BULLETS,
Nor of the GUNMEN that walk in darkness,
Nor of the destruction that flies my way.
A thousand may fall at my side,
And ten thousand at my right hand;
But DANGER shall not come near me….
… No evil shall befall me…  For He has given His angels charge over me and will keep me safe…  The Lord has promised, “As you shall call upon Me, I will answer you;
I will be with you in trouble; I will deliver you… With long life I will satisfy you and show you My salvation.”

The fear was so gripping that my body froze I couldn’t move. I prayed in tongues and quoted Psalm 91 in my heart. My body wouldn’t even twitch, but my mind was running miles and thinking too many things. It was like I was given anaesthesia. Ambulances, police vans and other such vehicles passed by. They saw us, but did not do much as they feared for their own lives. The police watched from the other side of the road and did not dare venture coming close as they were not equipped. None had bullet proof jackets and very old guns that were nothing compared to the AK 47s that the gunmen had. I am glad that the police promised change and I hope that they are better now.

The Lord sent an ordinary bystander to pull us out on to safety. He especially came as he saw me and was moved by my fear. I am grateful to Mr. Sakaram, who did not even know me, but he saved my life. He dragged me across the gutter with my heavy bag that protected my upper body or else I would’ve been injured from being pulled had I nothing as a buffer between me and the ground. At 11.30 pm I was pulled out and suddenly surrounded by TV news cameras. I could not speak still. They made me dizzy. They asked me how I was and what happened. It just did not sink in. I said I am happy to be alive that is all.

Meanwhile, at home everyone was worried because news channels had shown me caught up and close to the terrorists. My grandma from Europe had seen me and called up my mom to find out if it was me caught up at VT station. People from all over India and across the world recognised me on TV somehow. All my loved ones were just so worried. I switched on my phone, but there was no reception. I went to find some way to call my boss, my home and figure out what was next because I was in much shock and did not know how to deal with it. Suddenly, I came across a Russian couple who didn’t know English. I spoke to them in sign language and managed to get through to them. I told them to come with me to be safe. I went knocking on doors for some shelter. Most people turned us away. One man saw us in need and I told him our dilemma. He took us to his shop and gave us a phone landline that worked. Got through to everyone. Suddenly, I noticed my legs were bleeding. I had scrapped my knees so badly, but I was not in pain. Now I know that was because I was in shock. The kind man gave me antiseptic and bandage. I got through my friend Avi who lived nearby. He bought us food and water. After that I found the company vehicle and asked for permission to get the Russian tourists to the embassy. After which, I went back to cover stories. I went to work, but was too shaken to complete my story on time.

A few days after all was back in order, I tried finding footage on us being held at VT. During my search I found footage from a CCTV camera across the road. It showed that one of the gunmen tried to climb over and shoot us, but something else caught his attention and he went the other way. I see that as God’s hand of protection. Hallelujah and thank You Jesus.

Today, I even almost forgot about this day. My mother brought me flowers and our Church women’s group just sang me happy birthday because I have been given another chance in life. And I owe it all to Jesus! May I never be lukewarm again. It was not a quick homecoming for me after that. I struggled. But today, I am glad I am back in the House of the Lord. That I know His presence and value this life He gave me. It is truly a gift, which was unwrapped until He started dealing with me.

PS: After the attack I had to file a story even with all the shock here it is : http://www.mid-day.com/news/2008/nov/281108-Firing-minor-blast-at-CST-station.htm

At that time was misinformed that Sakaram was a policeman

Here’s a very unclear video of where I was… You could see the heads of  two people who were about a few metres in front of me at  00.07-00.09…. they were trying to get help…  that’s how close we got… only a wall between us and the terrorists… he almost jumped up to shoot at us! http://www.youtube.com/watch?gl=IN&hl=en-GB&v=QulvyYH640U.

 

Being dealt with

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I have witnessed first hand and have experienced how the Lord, or as I would like to call Him – the Good Shepherd – brings us back on to the right path. Those who follow Jesus are very much like sheep. I have been fascinated for most part of this year with this concept, so much so I changed my last name to Ovejas, which means sheep in Spanish. I giggled when people asked me whether I was married and replied, “Yes, I am married to the will of God.” I shall explain this sometime later. Stay tuned to this blog 😀

The verse that got to me the most is this one:

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Psalm 23:3

“He leads me on paths” just paints a picture in my mind of a little naïve, and may I say, dumb sheep, being led on to the right path. Although this sweet and innocent sheep, unaware of the dangers of this world, goes astray and loses the way, the Good Shepherd leads it back to the safe path, which is nothing but the path of righteousness.

The wrong path of unforgiveness

It has been 10 years this November 2001 since I first felt the embrace of the Heavenly Father and knew that He was truly God and God alone. I made an official decision and accepted Him as Lord and Saviour in January 2002. It has been the most exciting adventurous journey ever since. On the way, at times I have been that dumb little sheep trying to get on with her life, in her own way. I testify this day that the Lord always led me back. There have been many instances, but I do not have the liberty to write them all down here due to time constraints. I have mentioned just a few, which have been on my heart to share with you all.

One of the paths of unrighteousness that I almost tread down was becoming slave to unforgiveness, anger and hurt with respect to a certain person. The person is someone that has had a major influence and impacted my life. Someone I loved dearly and looked up to all my life. And suddenly it all changed over a period of a few years, especially since I decided to follow Jesus. In the beginning, there was much strife over my decision to love and serve Jesus, but somewhere after a few years people gave up. They just accepted me as a Jesus freak that no one could ever change. The person also commended me for being different from other youngsters and boasted about me among his comrades. He was proud of me. Then once again, the equation changed and he did something so wrong that impacted my life and the life of those I cared about. I hated him. I guess he had hatred towards me too. I would get so angry that often I would wish he were dead, but then correct myself. I would just feel so weighed down by the fact that I couldn’t love him, it enslaved me. I chose to allow the emotions to take over.

Slow and steady release

The last year and a half, I have been more diligent to lay my life down to Jesus and have accepted the challenge to let Him deal with me. I attended a camp last year, where God really dealt with me in an evident way. I used to tuck my anger, unforgiveness and hatred under the carpet. Instead of submitting it to God I hid it from Him, much like we hide the things that make us ashamed. Reminds me of Adam and Eve when they hid because they sinned against God. So, at the camp God led us campers to submit, surrender and depend on Him. On the second day, after morning devotion when everyone was at lunch, I felt uneasiness and I did not know what it was. I prayed and God reminded me about the person I couldn’t forgive. I ran to one of my mentors, a wonderful woman of God and I told her. She said God is dealing with you, just surrender to Him. I cried and said I will be late for lunch. I went to my room and just released it all before Him and said it is hard, but I surrender. I made it a habit since then to forgive that person everyday. The person has not changed towards me. He hates the sight of me. Even after surrendering to God, he did worse things. I said, God I cannot do this on my own, help me love him.

Somewhere in June, I got news about him being severely ill. I visited him in hospital and even prayed with him. He cried and asked me to forgive him, I did already. Then, things got back to normal and he began his hate brigade against me all over again. He has accused of things I have not even thought about. To the extent of robbery and things I do not even go close to. I would cringe at the thought of all the things he said about me, and once again found myself on the verge of going down the wrong path. I cried out to God.

God answers when we call, there’s no doubt about that. Most people have to go to psychologists, psychiatrists or in other words shrinks for what they call sessions. They pay thousands and even lakhs to help deal with anger issues and such. Well all I needed was to depend on God and He took a session with me. The Lord was working on me through dreams, wherein He made me face the person and release all the hatred I had towards him. I spoke of all the hurt and wrong doings, one-by-one I lashed out on him accusing him of all the things he did until I had nothing bad to say to him anymore. Then I realised that deep inside I loved him and after my session of spewing all the venom inside, out came these words, “I used to be proud of you. I loved you. I boasted among my friends about you and how you took care of me.” I woke up crying at 4 am, I think I woke my mother and she went back to sleep as she is used to me talking, crying and getting up to pray in the middle of the night. Someday, I believe I can tell you who this person I couldn’t forgive is and testify about how God saved him. I believe that day is coming soon! You know what? After I woke up I was released finally. Truly, whom the Son sets free is free indeed! God gave me the same dream again. I am learning to love and forgive others too. Thank You Jesus! Hallelujah!

The wrong path of unbelief

“…for whatever is not from faith is sin” Romans 14:23

God hates unbelief. It displeases Him.

But the cowardly, UNBELIEVING, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.” Revelation 21: 8

But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. Hebrews 11:8

I can go on and on about how unbelief is this and that, but there are many unbelieving folk among believers, i.e., those who claim to follow Jesus and believe in His words. The opposite of faith is fear. When you don’t believe you start to get anxious and afraid. Absence of faith can be the result of two things pride or self-love (believing in oneself to be able to do all things) and fear. I have been dealing against this fear in me. Trust me my victory lies in just trusting God and putting my fears and anxiousness aside. Also, learning to crucify my ‘self’ and completely depending on God. God recently dealt with my unbelief in the most beautiful way through two really good friends. I thank Him for their lives and them being so loving and gracious towards me. I shared with them about two separate things I was troubled by. One of them is the fear of losing track with God and the other is a fear I will share about when I feel at liberty to do so.

The Lord dealt with my unbelief

When I told my friend DD about the fear of losing track, the Holy Spirit quickened in Him this word:

For the thing I greatly feared has come upon me, And what I dreaded has happened to me. Job 3:25

I was amazed, because I read the Book of Job many times. However, suddenly this verse stood out and was apt to deal with my unbelief. So I must not fear, but have faith that God is able to keep me away from the things that I fear. My GOOD SHEPHERD HE IS. This was on a Saturday night and the every next day was Sunday service. Guess what the word was about? IT WAS ABOUT Faith!!! God has been dealing with me.

In short I realised Faith is an action not and emotion. ABC of faith according to Pastor Francis – an Act based on Belief sustained by Confidence! Even if it doesn’t seem so, or you don’t feel like it, stand and say, I still believe.

Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed. John 20:29

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Phil 4:6-7

I have written about faith a long time ago, but I was led to revisit again. The earlier post is at https://scribecorner.wordpress.com/2011/01/18/does-fear-rule-your-life/

The other fear was me doubting about receiving an answer to something I have been praying about for a long time now. My friend SS almost scolded me silly and shared this verse with me:

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning. James 1:17

Well after that I began to believe better and pray better too. Pray a prayer of belief knowing fully well and trusting that God has already began to answer my long time prayer. I will thank Him for He is at work. I will share with you soon the answer to my prayer.

Unrighteousness is unbelief, belief is righteousness!

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Matthew 6:33

The steps of a RIGHTEOUS man are ordered of God. Psalm 37:23

This may be read as:

The steps of A PERSON OF FAITH are ordered of God

So, let God deal with you. Once He starts He brings it into completion.

Submit to God, resist the devil and the devil will flee!

Oh Victory in Jesus!!! I am so excited because God is dealing with me.

The Lord will lead me on paths of righteousness for His name sake!

An update from me

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For those of you that have been wondering of my whereabouts, well I have had trouble sitting at the computer. God probably willed that I should have a time of rest. So I turned the time of recovering from my slip disc problem into a time of opportunity. I have been reading a couple of books and watching some really inspiring videos on Youtube. I must say, the rate at which I have become better has been a miracle. I have no doubt about who has worked on getting me better 😉 Praise Jesus the Healer!

I can’t lift too many heavy things. However, I am walking faster and sitting for longer. So, I just about manage to give in a full day at work! And people tell me they can’t see God. I see Him everyday because I believed before seeing. Is it that hard for you to lay back and put your trust in Him? I suffered chronic asthma all through the first part of my life, until something happened. A woman (I don’t recall her name) prayed for me in Jesus name to be healed when I was 14. From that day until now, no asthma! Tell me, what is that? Oh, must I add, I had no idea who Jesus was or about His healing touch before that. I was not exposed to healing crusades, Born Again Christians or even the Bible until much later.

Now, of course I am getting back to normalcy a day at a time. I surely miss blogging and reading my favourite blogs here. I thought why not share some of the articles that have blessed me. Mind you, I have kept copyright policies in mind and I am sharing only stuff that is not protected by law. Today I came across something that I just had to share. Maybe you have already read it, but reading this piece by Amy Carmichael once again will definitely put some fire back in you!

Be blessed! So here goes:

My Brother’s Blood Cries Out
– Amy Carmichael

The tom-toms thumped straight on all night, and the darkness shuddered round me like
a living, feeling thing. I could not go to sleep, so I lay awake and looked; and I saw, as it
seemed, this:

That I stood on a grassy patch, and at my feet a ravine broke straight down into infinite
space. I looked, but saw no bottom; only cloud shapes, black and furiously coiled, and
great shadow-shrouded hollows, and unfathomable depths. Back I drew, dizzy at the
depth.

Then I saw forms of people moving toward the edge. There was a woman with a baby in
her arms and another little child holding on to her dress. She was on the very edge. She
lifted her foot for the next step… Then, to my horror, I saw that she was blind. Before I
could say anything she was over, and the children with her. Their cries pierced the air as
they fell into the inky blackness of the ravine!

Then I saw more streams of people flowing from all quarters. All were blind, stone-blind;
all walked straight toward the edge. There were shrieks as they suddenly knew
themselves falling, and a tossing up of helpless arms, catching, clutching at empty air.
But some went over quietly, and fell without a sound.

Then I wondered, with a wonder that was sheer agony, why no one stopped them at the
edge. I could not. I was glued to the ground, and I couldn’t even yell; though I strained
and tried, only a whisper would come out.

Then I saw that along the edge there were sentries set at intervals.

But the intervals were too large; there were wide, unguarded gaps between. And over
these gaps the people fell because of their blindness, unwarned; and the green grass seemed
blood-red to me, and the ravine yawned like the mouth of hell.

Then I saw, like a little picture of peace, a group of people under some trees with their
backs turned towards the ravine. They were making daisy chains. Sometimes when a
piercing shriek cut the quiet air and reached them, it disturbed them and they thought it
was a rather crude noise. And if one of their group started up and wanted to go and do
something to help, then all the others would pull that one down. “Why should you get
so excited about it? You must wait for a definite call to go! You haven’t finished your
daisy chain yet. It would be really selfish,” they said, “to leave us to finish the work
alone.”

There was another group. It was made up of people whose great desire was to get more
sentries out; but they found that very few wanted to go, and sometimes there were no
sentries for miles and miles along the edge.

Once a girl stood alone in her place, waving the people back; but her mother and other
relations called, and reminded her that her furlough was due; she must not break the
rules. And being tired and needing a change, she had to go and rest for a while; but no
one was sent to guard her gap, and over and over the people fell, like a waterfall of
souls. Once a child grabbed at a tuft of grass that grew at the very edge of the ravine; it
clung convulsively, and it called – but nobody seemed to hear. Then the roots of the
grass gave way, and with a cry the child went over, its two little hands still holding tight
to the torn-off bunch of grass. And the girl who longed to be back in her gap thought she
heard the little one cry, and she sprang up and wanted to go; at which her friends
reproved her, reminding her that no one is necessary anywhere; “The gap would be well
taken care of!”, they said. And then they sang a hymn.

Then through the hymn came another sound like the pain of a million broken hearts
wrung out in one full drop, one sob. And a horror of great darkness was upon me, for I
knew that it was “The Cry of the Blood”.

Then a voice thundered. It was the voice of the Lord, and He said, “What hast thou
done? The voice of thy brother’s blood crieth unto me from the ground.”

The tom-toms still beat heavily, the darkness still shuddered and shivered about me; I
heard the yells of the devil-dancers and weird, wild shrieks of the devil-possessed just
outside the gate.

What does it matter, after all? It has gone on for years; it will go on for years. Why make
such a fuss about it? God forgive us!

God arouse us! Shame us out of our callousness! Shame us out of our sin!

1 John 3:17

“But whoever has the gospel of Jesus Christ, and sees men lost and dying in their sin,
and closes off his compassion within him, how dwells the love of God in him?”

Paraphrased by Amy Carmichael

About Amy

Amy Carmichael (1867-1951) served in India for 55 years without a furlough motivated by this compelling vision.
She started an orphanage that rescued over 1,000 girls from Hindu temple prostitution. At age 64 she suffered a fall that kept her bedridden for the last 20 years of her life – she spent them praying. When asked, “What is the missionary life like?” She answered, “The missionary life is a chance to die. One can give without loving, but one
cannot love without giving.”

My Heavenly Father would never give me away!

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I am really overwhelmed today. I have been struggling a very long with this one thing. What am I writing about? Well just three simple words – My Heavenly Father. It has been more than hard for me to personalise the Lord as my Father, because come to think of it, I never really knew what a father was. Yeah, maybe I did for a short while as a kid, but then he went away. With him he took away the perception of security that a father is supposed to bring into their child’s life. But another Father entered my life – the Heavenly Father – who sent His own son Jesus to die for me so that I may be His daughter. He loved me so much that He gave His all. He would suffer for me and never ask me to repay. I am starting to understand this now.

In my prayer time alone, these days more than ever, I sense Him reaching out to me as a Father. It just breaks me at the thought, because I made the mistake of equating my earthly father with the Heavenly Father. I was being so insecure until I realised He was different, He was perfect, and He loved me more than anyone ever could. He really takes care. Times when there was almost no food to lay before my family, the enemy mocked me and said let’s see how you get through this without begging or selling yourself. That’s when the Lord honoured my faith in Him and my choice to do what was right in His sight. He came in as my Saviour and Provider. He protected me from harm even when I did not know that I was in danger. I write this to bring glory to Him alone. I am not ashamed anymore of my circumstance, because I know the Lord will use it to turn it into something that will give Him glory. I never once had to beg or come under the mercy of anyone. The Lord has been my helper, my very present help in time of need.

I have been holding a lot of anger and bitterness in my heart against those who have willingly hurt me and still continue to harm me. I most definitely hate all forms of hypocrisy especially when it is me being the hypocrite. That’s when He came into my life as a Father counselling His daughter. He said, “You make mistakes that is where I come in. It is hard for you to love and be strong when your trying to do it on your own. Cast your burdens unto me. Let me take care of it. Then you will be released.” I am still struggling with loving the haters, but the best part is the Lord is helping me love. ‘It is not by might, not by power, but by My Spirit says the Lord’. I cannot love on my own strength. I have to ask Him to fill me with His Spirit. For the gifts of the Spirit are LOVE, joy, peace and a sound mind. I thought it impossible for me to do it and that’s when I heard Him whisper, “What is impossible with man is possible withe God.”

Each day, I am learning more about this wonderful Father in Heaven, who would never leave nor forsake those who reach out to Him (unlike earthly fathers who can pack their bags at anytime and leave if not inspired of God). When I am wrong, this Heavenly Father would not discard me, but correct me in love. A Father, who will see that I lack no good thing. A Father of truth, who would never say a lie about me to cover his own folly. A Father who has no folly to cover up. A Father, who would never turn away from me when I am in pain or sick. A Father, who would not turn away when I cry inconsolably. A Father who has no inadequacy and would not turn away when I am reaching out cos He is always able to help me. He would never ask me to wait or ask me to seek help elsewhere. He would never ask me to solve my own problems. God doesn’t help those who help themselves. God helps those who reach out to Him as a child reaches out to their father. He is a Father, who promised that one day he would turn the heart of the earthly fathers back to their children (Malachi 4:6). I thank Him for this promise.

I declare before God, the enemies of god, all you readers and whosoever comes across this that no matter what, I have a Father in Heaven watching out for me. So those that want to come against me beware, because those who curse me will be cursed. Those who lie and wait to trap me, you will be ensnared in your own trap. I declare that I do not fight these battles, cos the battle belongs to the Lord, those who stand against Him always fail. He is a Father to the Fatherless. The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want. He is my Healer, my Saviour, my Refuge, my Hiding Place, my Provider, my Deliverer, my Mentor, my Counselor, my Guide, my Protector, my Rock of ages, my very present help in times of need and moreeeeeeeeeee.

Just to glorify Him I will tell you in all honesty, there were some people trying to a lay a trap to hurt me and my family, well they did not succeed and they ended up asking those close to us, who is behind them? And they warned others saying that my family and I are dangerous people, because when they tried to harm us someone thwarted their plan. In their own words ‘ they have someone big looking out for them’. lol, if only they knew who they were up against, not me, not my family, but God Himself!

He is the Father who will walk me down the aisle and not hand me over, but connect me to the man He chooses for me. He will be with me forever more. He will not give me up ever! Unlike some fathers who give up responsibility once their daughter is married. He will always be there. I love you daddy. I love you Abba.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZmMffsIl9M